last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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