Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
