i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
