Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
