RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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