Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
