you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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