You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just gift wrapped bread.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
