doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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