In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
