Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
