Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
