Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
