I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
