I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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