I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
