At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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