Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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