Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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