just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
