I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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