May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
