he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
