Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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