dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
