so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
