Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
