Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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