the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just high enough for therapy.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
