It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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