God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
