Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
