you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
