i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
