Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
