he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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