dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
