Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
