Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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