dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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