He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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