So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
sarcasm needs its own font
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
