just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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