How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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