I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
