I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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