yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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