i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
