does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
