No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
