How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
