I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
