Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
